


Rolling Through The Motions

by inpiniteu



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Feels, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Rich Boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-09-03 01:56:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16754680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inpiniteu/pseuds/inpiniteu
Summary: Now, though, at age seventeen, he understands better than ever that he needs to protect himself.From feelings, from Kim Jonghyun who holds the power of destroying his heart in his hands and doesn’t even know it.





	Rolling Through The Motions

**Author's Note:**

> The tags are scarier than it is, I swear! It's heavy with feelings, but well, you will see.
> 
> Hopefully, you give this a try!

“Don’t go,” Minhyun says, his voice never faltering, even as his eyes meet Kim Jonghyun’s. 

_Never show your emotions, son_ , he remembers his father telling him on his sixth birthday.

Minhyun hadn’t exactly understood back then, too busy crying on the phone and longing for a father that was doing business thousands of kilometers away from their mansion and was never home. Now, though, at age seventeen, he understands better than ever that he needs to protect himself.

From feelings, from Kim Jonghyun who holds the power of destroying his heart in his hands and doesn’t even know it.

Jonghyun’s hands on his blazer stills and he takes a step forward, only stopping when Minhyun looks away, looks down at the bunched up fabric in his hand. It’s dark blue, and the exact same shade as the tie Jonghyun is tying around his neck with shaking fingers.

Jonghyun’s voice breaks through the silence. “I’m sorry, Minhyunnie.”

Minhyun frowns at the pet name and he clicks his tongue. “You’re _sorry_ ,” he says flatly, looking straight into Jonghyun’s eyes until Jonghyun lowers his gaze, cheeks red and black hair falling into his eyes. 

Minhyun wants to snort at the words, wants to be the dickhead everyone assumes he is. Being the richest kid attending the most expensive academy of South Korea does that to him, brings its whole batch of assumptions and expectations about who he is. 

Who wants to care about the Hwang Minhyun who reads poetry and actually ponders about the meaning of love when it’s easier to think of him as the type of asshole who kicks the maids out of his room and throws out all the coffee and chocolate girls buy him?

Sure, he hasn’t let them know that he would rather clean himself because he actually _enjoys_ it, hasn’t told them that he hates the taste of coffee and chocolate is too sweet for him. It’s his fault that they don’t know.

But there’s two sides to every story—for them, he’s a self-absorbed snob; for him, just a misunderstood teenager. There's two sides, but only to whoever wants to listen.

“You’re sorry,” he repeats, and he falls backwards on his bed, laughing loudly until his stomach starts hurting. “What are you even sorry for, Jonghyun-ah?”

Of course, Kim Jonghyun doesn’t give him the answer he wants to hear. He doesn’t even give him an answer at all.

That’s the thing with Jonghyun—he never wants to step out the line, never wants to stop being the people pleaser that he is. 

It never used to bother Minhyun. Being perfect is part of their world, almost a requirement. There’s no secret about the fact that they were born to be wolves, wolves smart enough to fool all the little red riding hoods of society.  


Jonghyun isn’t exactly that, too soft and nice but he’s good at doing what’s asked of him, at pretending he’s happy with being the son of an influential diplomat. 

And the cracks that he shows Minhyun when they’re fucking in Minhyun’s room aren’t enough anymore. 

Minhyun wants the real him, the sensitive and innocent Jonghyun who likes reading manga scans online all night and trips over air. He’s fine with tennis player Jonghyun, who would rather study chemistry than watch animes. He’s fine, that Kim Jonghyun. Just that, just fine. 

“Are you sorry that you’re going to go back to _her_?” Minhyun says and he knows that Jonghyun hates when he talks about Im Nayoung but this time, he doesn’t care. This time, he wants to shred Jonghyun’s carefully put-together facade apart.

“Does your girlfriend know about—” Minhyun stops himself. There’s no such thing as us, he thinks, not when they’re on two different levels of defining what their relationship is. “Does she know about this?” He settles for instead, smirking at the obvious twitching in Jonghyun’s cheek. 

Perhaps later, once Jonghyun is back by Nayoung’s side, Minhyun will think he deserves it—being thrown aside, being left alone. Right now, he only thinks he deserves a chance at being loved and Jonghyun isn’t giving him that.

Jonghyun rubs his face and Minhyun knows he’s mad. It doesn’t show, though, his eyes still as soft as ever as he shakes his head. “You know she doesn’t.”

Minhyun figures it’s the moment he should start rejoicing but he doesn’t.

He doesn’t, even with Jonghyun’s cum still running down his thighs—uncomfortably so but he’s trying to make a point here—, even when Jonghyun is finally on the same level as him, just a confused player in this game of feelings.

What’s the point of feeling victorious when he’s going to run to his little girlfriend as if nothing happened, as if he wasn’t cock deep into his best friend minutes prior? 

“What does she know, then?” It’s an innocent question but the malice in his voice is anything but. “Does she know I was the one who reminded you of her birthday?” He snorts as if he just remembered something funny and continues, voice harsher, “Does she know that your bullshit about not having sex before marriage is only because you can’t get it up with her? Even when she’s half-naked below you?” 

Jonghyun snaps right there and then. “Fucking stop it. You’re being an ass, Minhyun.” 

Minhyun doesn’t know what is worse—the truth behind his words or Jonghyun using his name. Before whatever this is, Jonghyun is still is best friend. 

Minhyun would have lost himself without Jonghyun, but now, _now_ that he is in love with the only person he can’t get, he is losing himself. Losing himself because of Kim Jonghyun.

“And you’re being unfair, Jju-yah,” he simply says, looking at the pristine white ceiling. It’s blinding, but not as much as the galaxy in Jonghyun’s eyes. “I just want—”

Jonghyun’s eyes soften, but the hard edge behind his words is too biting for Minhyun to believe he’s been forgiven just yet. “What do you want?” He rubs his face, lips pinched together. “Tell me what I can do for you, Minhyunnie.”

For a minute, Minhyun ponders about whether he should go for the kill and just ask him. Dozens reasons and warning bells flash in his head, telling him that he _shouldn’t_ but selfishness wins. “Can you give me your heart, Jonghyun? Your love?” 

It’s not about whether Jonghyun would give him what he’s asking for because Minhyun knows already. It’s about whether he can. 

Jonghyun chokes on air. “Fuck,” he says and in other circumstances, it would make Minhyun laugh. They would be bantering, him making promises to wash that mouth by any means necessary. 

But now, right now, he just waits for Jonghyun to gather himself. “You just can’t—” Jonghyun breathes out, running his hands through his hair over and over again. “You can’t just drop this on me, Minhyun.”

Minhyun’s hands clench around the bed sheets, the fabric pulled into tight fists. He wishes he could say sorry and wants to reach over and wipe the tears pooling in Jonghyun’s eyes but then again, the last thing Jonghyun probably needs is Minhyun treating him like a fragile thing. Especially not after dropping a bomb on him.

Instead, he looks past Jonghyun’s shoulder and opens his mouth. “Just leave, Jju-yah. Leave and go back to her.”

“Min—” Jonghyun whispers and Minhyun tenses but the words he expected to hear don’t leave Jonghyun’s mouth. “I’ll come back later,” he instead says softly.

Trust sweet Jonghyun to believe things are going to be fixed. They aren’t, Minhyun wants to scream. They can’t but if only for Jonghyun, he guesses he can try to forget about this forbidden love that drives him crazy.

He can try to be a good friend, and the kind of son his father dreams Minhyun would, could be. Powerful, assertive, enjoying the looks, the money and the _women_. 

He can try to not be a fool in love with his best friend, his very male best friend.

Being interested in the male sex when your name is Hwang Minhyun or Kim Jonghyun isn’t allowed. Not in the world they live in. Jonghyun knows that even better than him. Well, no, he doesn’t know better, only learned to play the part that was asked of him and dating a girl he only touches whenever he has to. He’s not their number one student for nothing.

No son of the Hwang family can love men, and Minhyun isn’t stupid enough to believe that anyone would be willing to listen to him, to hear him when he says it’s not men he loves, but Jonghyun. Just Kim Jonghyun.

“Do what you want,” he utters, and it sounds as dismissive as he intended it to be and he doesn’t flinch saying it as so. Not even when the door of his room closes softly. 

The silence that follows Jonghyun’s departure is deafening but Minhyun can’t hear it over the loud beating of his heart. 

The lesson he’s learning right now is painful, but not as much as the pain in his chest. Love can kill you but no matter what you try, you can’t kill love.

**Author's Note:**

> I think the ending is pretty open, so I'm curious about what's going to happen? If something will even happen? Tell me what you think [here](https://curiouscat.me/bugipaca) or [here](http://twitter.com/astropicals) and thank you lots for reading! ♡


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